Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
