i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
