If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You are a genius and a whore.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
