tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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