TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
