he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need a beard to bite.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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