I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize