what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
