don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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