It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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