So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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