I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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