I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
