M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
