I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
