I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
They took my balls.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
