i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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