Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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