im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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