Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude i'm inner monologue high
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you will always have a special place in my vag
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
