I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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