you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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