dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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