No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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