My sheets look like a crime scene.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
