We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
