Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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