Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
