She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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