Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
