im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
