Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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