So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
