He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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