Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
