They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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