Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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