his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
