I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
