...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I know her cup size but not her name....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
