So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
