tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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