He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When did angry sex become our thing?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
