She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
