Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
