this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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