You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
