Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
