The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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