she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i now understand why vodka
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
