Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
