I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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