Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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