You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How naked do you want me to be?
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