hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I could make wine with my vomit
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
