Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
