if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The Olympian is in my bed
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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