I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She bit a glass in half.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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