why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
