soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize