Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
