He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
