That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
