While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
