yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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