Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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