So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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