You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
