I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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