You're completely useless in the revolution.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize