no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
