Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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