Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
