The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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