oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
