if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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