so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
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The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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