Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
