We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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