theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
YAS. BRING CRAB.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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