My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
